How to be happy

A bit of my Saturday is normally taken up with reading the Guardian and I always start with the Weekend magazine (unless Dear Heart gets to it first). I really enjoyed the pieces this weekend about happiness.

The basic things seemed to be: you can’t be happy all the time, help people, engage in activities that you really enjoy, be grateful, embrace the new and novel, build relationships, accept that you don’t know what will make you happy and finally invest in experiences, not things.

I can see a lot of these things really coming out in blogs I read. The one I’m uncertain about is putting money and resources into experience not things. Bloggers often write about new purchases or things they want to buy. Does the whole process of choosing an item and purchasing it count as an ‘experience’?

Anyway do have a read of the various pieces all of which are linked to in this introduction to the What makes you happy debate.

Outside the comfort zone

It’s only when we do something that challenges us and makes us uncomfortable that we realise how much of the time we wear a mask.

Last night I went to a belly dancing class for the first time in five years. I went along with a neighbour who I suspected (correctly!) to be an excellent dancer. It was a really good class with a lively teacher, but very intense. You suddenly find that you are trying to move your body in ways that you haven’t for years. You don’t just need to observe the instructor, replicate moves and be graceful. You are also meeting group of people for the first time .You are exposing yourself to humiliation. There is no brain capacity left to try and look poised. So instead you giggle like an idiot.

But as the class progressed I relaxed and rather than resisting tried to engage with the experience. I’ve no doubt I’ll humiliate myself again next week but I’m going back. And I’ve also no doubt that no one is the class was really looking at me because they were all too busy thinking about them. In a few weeks I won’t even be thinking about whether I look stupid to the other people in the group because I’ll be too busy thinking about dancing.

Doing things that scare you are good. It’s very easy to try to construct a persona and try to ensure that you do nothing that will expose any flaws. This is nonsense – life is unpredictable. You can’t stop change. You don’t have to like it but you will have to live with it one way or another. If you can live with it and laugh then you’re on your way. Queen of the Universe that you are at the centre of.

I remember reading somewhere that generally it’s better to do something than not. It doesn’t matter if you do it and end up feeling stupid and ‘failing’. Our brains tend towards the optimistic so you will find a way of finding something positive about the experience. If you don’t do something then all you can do is regret the lost opportunity because it might have turned out ok after all.

Join the evening class. Request a vegan meal. Cook something you’ve never tried before. At the very worse you’ll have a funny story to tell about the time you tried Salsa, or argued with a chef or burnt salad.

Some enchanted evening

Yesterday evening was one I've been hoping for all summer. The weather was warm enough to sit in the garden in shorts and feel comfortable. No running inside for a cardigan because there was a chill breeze. We had music playing while we ate dinner. After eating Dear Heart and I sat and shared a bottle of wine and talked until it too dark and late to stay outside any longer.

I'm sure summers in the past had many nights like this. Ones were you walked home from a pub or club or friend's house and didn't care about the time because it was delightful, warm night and it seemed like morning would ever come.

But then it's easy to reflect on past happiness. The real trick is recognising that you are happy at the time and enjoying the moment.

Froth on the Cappuccino

I'm having one of those great weeks where you keep discovering new things. I can't walk around the library without finding armfuls of stuff I want to read. I love discovering new authors. I've also found a load of new blogs that I've added to my bookmarks. It's tricky to know if a blog will be a continuing pleasure. sometimes bloggers cease to blog or they begin to write about topics that you're not very interested in. We'll have to wait and see.

One of the books I picked up to enjoy was Froth on the Cappuccino: how small pleasures can save your life by Maeve Haran. I've read this kind of book before. It's the same kind of thing as Wear More Cashmere: 151 Luxurious Ways to Pamper Your Inner Princess. What marred my enjoyment was the way in places the book seemed to encourage wastefulness (e.g. clutter so that you can declutter and then clutter again). Where green suggestions were made they were often followed by very non-green ideas. For example, a piece on the joys of recycling was followed by one on the joys of takeaway coffee in a styrofoam or cardboard cup with plastic lid. the section on 'buying yourself flowers' did mention fake flowers, but cold have gone further by suggesting that you buy them during the winter when real flowers are imported or grown in hot houses. Just because supermarkets sell cheap flowers doesn't make it right to buy them.

Maybe I'm taking it a little too seriously.

Lots to be grateful for

According to the always interesting Sewing my shadow on, it's gratitude month. Bloggers are encouraged daily to add an entry about something they're grateful for. I'm not sure I can commit to daily blogging. However, I do count my blessings most mornings and evenings either before getting up or going to sleep.

I have lots to be grateful for. Here are the first few that skittered into my head:
Dear Heart
Lovely friends
comfortable bed
My cat
beautiful house
breakfast
lunch
dinner
the colour green
my sister
tofu
kale
hot water

You can't park there!

One of my pet hates are people who park in bus stops. As some one who makes extensive use of public transport I find it really annoying when the bus has to let people off in the middle of the road. It also makes it difficult for people with buggies and the less mobile. No point in having buses that can lower themselves to the kerb if the bus is nowhere near the kerb.

I also find it quite annoying when people park on double yellow lines. I see the on the narrow High Street of our town quite often in the evening when people just can't be bothered to park in the car park and walk a short way to the bank or to collect a takeaway.

This morning as I waited for the bus I saw not one, not two but three vehicles all parked on double yellow lines on the High Street. One was using the cash point. One lorry was unloading. Two men with high visibility vests labelled GWC where doing something around water mains (and dropping their cigarette butts on the pavement!). I'm hoping that they were unaware of the car park just behind where they stood.

It's obviously the day for it. The poor bus driver after navigating his way around this lot, then was bought up short by another trade van on a country road.

I got off the bus at the hospital (one of my days to walk in to work) and was forced to take a detour because someone was parked across the 'ambulances only - do not park here' area and obstructing the footpath to boot. If it was A& E they were after the entrance and drop off point was just round corner.

This has been a really grumbly post so I'm going to finish by sending out waves of good thoughts to all those people who make my easier by driving around doing deliveries and providing services. Next time you pick up a newspaper or switch on a tap remember that in order for you to do that someone drove van somewhere and send a happy thought to the driver (wherever they are).